Name: Regina Linton
Title: Winter's Gift
Genre: Paranormal Romance
The forest was a dark and damp obstacle course. The trees became a menacing blur as I raced passed them, their small branches scraping my face. I took a moment to stop and lean against a moss covered tree to catch my breath, my body teetering from exhaustion before I staggered and then pushed forward.
My seemingly harmless walk in the woods had turned into a tormenting fight for survival from what was stalking me just beyond the deep dark shadows and thick trees surrounding me. Frightened by the quickened pace, I didn’t feel like I was putting any distance between myself and who or what was coming after me. Terrified, I looked for somewhere to take refuge.
My skin began to crawl as if it were covered with thousands of ants on their way to a feeding frenzy. The hair on the back of my neck was standing on end when chills immersed my entire body causing me to jolt to a sudden stop.
I frantically turned to see who was approaching, but couldn’t see anything but shadows in every direction I looked. The darkness seemed to be moving… surrounding me, closing in at an alarming rate.
These weren’t like normal everyday shadows; these were darker and more sinister. My head was clouded in confusion and plagued by uncertainty as my thoughts ran wild. ‘What’s happening? Go away, please just go away. Someone please help me!’ My mind chattered.
9 comments:
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Ooohhh....very nicely done!
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Ooohhh. . .very nicely done!
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Regina,
You've set the scene very well and I sympathize with the character who's running from something.
My only nit-pick would be the use of the word "chattered" in the last sentence. I just don't picture a mind doing that while scared?
Christi Corbett
Definitely a scary scene. And we can feel the MCs fear coming through. One suggestion, in one paragraph the words 'frightened' and 'terrified' both appear but I'm not sure that either is necessary because you've already done a good job of showing the characters fear and terror.
Nicely done, Regina!
Have a great weekend.
That's it? =(. I would definitely read more. The tension is great, very tangible. Such a tease, =).
Katie S. Taylor
Is this from a manuscript you're working on?
Some nice imagery.
That is such an exciting segment! I particularly liked the first couple paragraphs and the way you described the pace and the need to breath. Very well done!
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