My Ground Hog’s Day Spectacular…with 50 First Dates!

Have you ever felt like you are trapped in the same day – everyday and that there is no escaping it?  I have. It is not always the same day everyday…most of it is the same—just small variations make adjustments of the outcome.

If you have every watched Bill Murray in “Ground Hog’s Day”, you may have been amused…even laughed a couple times or through the entire movie. I wish that it were that simple to laugh about.

*DEEP BREATH*

For those of you who are not familiar with my life, let me explain to you that my husband was injured three years ago in a construction accident. He was hit in the head (while wearing a hard hat – thank goodness!) with a 9 foot steel beam that fell 12 feet.

They diagnosed him with TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury). He suffers from continuous pain that is sort of like a migraine, short term memory issues, behavior issues, and blanks out to where he sort of spaces out and walks around and ends up in places that he does not remember going. This has resulted in him not being able to hold a job or drive. Plus they just told us this is all permanent and he is unfixable.

So when I say Ground Hog’s Day that relates to his short term memory. If you have ever watched “50 First Dates” with Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler…then understand that he is my Drew. Once he goes to bed, the slate wipes clean and we start over. He is supposed to keep a journal so that he knows what happened, but doesn’t always do that. So for those of you who have had a marital spat…try having the same one three days in a row because your husband forgot that you told him something or forgot that you already had that fight.

Things have been hard on us for awhile now with this work related injury alone…but I must keep going because we have five children. Two are his, two are mine and one if ours together. His daughter lives with her mother and the other four live with us. Well that was up until two months ago. My 16 year old daughter moved out and moved in with her father because she couldn’t be in the same house with my husband’s behavior issues or lack of good behavior. This broke my heart but I am dealing thinking that the medications that they are giving my husband will eventually help him and we will get him in a good place. In the mean time…I miss my daughter terribly.

One minute he is supportive of my writing, the next he is tearing the internet satellite out of the ground with the tractor…so for those of you that I was beta reading for—it is not that I was trying to slack—I love the work you are doing and it is all brilliant and hope that you send me more. I just had to start trying to squeeze things in on my lunch hours and at breaks at work. I even got an iPhone with internet…

I can come home and if he is bored from staying home he will rip a room apart to be remodeled and then I am stuck with cleaning up a mess and spending all of my free time redoing a room. So he is a box of chocolates because you never know what you are going to get when you go home. He could be nice, sweet, loveable, bitter, jealous, rude…basically my own Jekyll and Hyde.  So if there are any of you out there that have a loved one that is suffering with a traumatic brain injury, you are not alone. I know how you feel and may know what you go through.

So when I say I am muddling through…that is what I am trying to do. So tell me my wonderful faithfuls that keep me motivated and that I adore very much…have you ever had anything that you would call your groundhog’s day or even have the same dream over and over again?

Of course you know this is why I have so many raw emotions to use in my writing and so many ideas. Writing is my escape and it has saved me more times than I can count. It keeps me sane.

Holiday and Holland...who would have thought??

r

Since this is a long weekend for me because my office is going to be closed on Monday, I am going to take advantage of the time off and spend time with some family that is coming over from Holland.

My husband's family are coming over for a visit. It is his Aunt Gusta. I can't wait to meet her, I am so excited. I really want to get the chance to go there and visit with her in Amsterdam as well some day.

I am also hoping to get some writing done and editing. I have another book idea floating around in my head but have a lot of unfinished business to take care of as well.

Also has anyone heard from our wonderful friend Laura Kaponer?? I haven't heard from her for some time and am missing her. So if anyone is in communico with her please tell her hello and that I miss her. Thank you.

Also, I did splurge and buy myself the purdiest little gadget...the iphone 4. I love it so. I am obsessed with it already and I have never owned one before. Please, no negative comments...let me enjoy my high. Now I can be internet friendly from my phone. Yeah.

Alright my precious friends. Please be careful and enjoy your holiday and weekend.

Random Irritation

Last night when I got home from work and took the kids home, I then went to the store to get something to fix for dinner and some extras for the week. In the meantime, my husband, Brandon, Tanner and Logan worked on the barn to get it ready for the pigs for 4-H.

I returned from the store fixed dinner, and then sat down for about fifteen minutes and started to watch some television. This is something that I never get to do because the kids or my husband always have the remote in hand. But since they were outside I took the opportunity to sit down and try to enjoy myself for a few minutes.

That didn't last long. My husband and kids came in, ate dinner and then my husband decided that it was time to clean so he started dusting and knocked the cord out of the back of the television so that it clicked to a blank screen and the continued to vacuum and so on so forth. I appreciate the fact that the man wanted to do chores, but was this because I had the television first??? I was seriously a little ticked off about the situation so I went and did the laundry and dishes and then went to bed.

Who made it a law that I don't get to pick what we watch or get to watch television for more than fifteen minutes? Does this happen to anyone else?

What is something I do well?

If there is something that I can brag about myself that I do well it is take care of my family. I am a multitasker of sorts. Between my husband and myself, we are a combined fascinating accumulation of 7 distinct personas. There is my husband, Brad whom is in his third year of recovery from and injury on the job site where he was hit in the head with a fourteen foot steel beam. Thank God for hardhats that he is still with me! He has not been able to return to work nor drive for the past two and a half years and he gets stir crazy around the house creating projects for us to work on. Lord knows he is my very own box of chocolates. I never know what I am walking into when I get home. He has short term memory issues and has episodes where he blanks out from time to time making him another child that needs a babysitter. (Thank you to all of my gracious friends that come and help look out for him when I am working.) Without Brad being able to drive that leaves me the only driver to get the kids to school, appointments and sporting events. I use a lot of gas and run up a lot of miles on the roads.

My oldest daughter, Sadie is sixteen. She drives and is gainfully employed by choice of mother dearly. Mommy makes her pay for her insurance. Yeah, I know what a meanie I am. She sometimes thinks that she is older than she really is but that is because I had to raise her by myself for the first seven and a half years. Her father finally stepped in about four years ago and they seem to be getting those missed years ironed out. I love her but she makes me want to pull my hair out at times. She is very active in Volleyball and softball which the season is about to start. She is a Varsity third base and Junior Varsity shortstop. Lots of games I will be attending.

My step-son, Brandon is fifteen and had ADHD. Brandon has lived with us since he was in the first grade and we have helped him excel in school despite his disability. He is no Einstein mind you, but he holds his own. He is very active in sports like football and wrestling (season just ended) and is doing 4-H where he is showing hogs. So we have been working on getting the barn ready for them to be delivered.

My son, Tanner is fourteen. He is into computers and video games and knows how to help his dad work on car engines. He is quieter and is not into sports but makes up for it in intellect. He does play sports socially with his friends and would make one hell of a quarterback if he wanted to. The kid really does have a great arm on him. He is always the first one to help me around the house and the last one to complain about it.

My step-daughter Brittany is thirteen and lives with her mother in Illinois. She comes over every other weekend to visit. We try to keep up with her sports and music recitals when possible but is not always easy to do when you live over 30 miles apart and the times are an hour different. She plays softball and basketball and sings in choir sometimes. She used to play soccer and has talked about starting volleyball next season.

Then there is our six year old Logan. He is in Kindergarten and keeps us very busy all of the time. He still pretty full time wants all of our attention, but the older kids have been great helping me out by keeping him so that I can run out to the store by myself at times. He loves to play outside running on our 14 acre farm playing with the chickens and our dog. He will also helps with chores of collecting the eggs and stacking fire wood. I do have to be careful with him because he like Brandon and Brad are highly allergic to poison ivy which doesn’t help living in the country. This kid amazes me everyday with his new vocabulary, his imagination when he plays independently with toys or his hand and eye coordination on his video game.

With all of this said, I guess that I do a pretty good job balancing everyone out and keeping everyone grounded. Or maybe they keep me grounded. I feel that taking care of all of them is something that I do well. Maybe not great, but well and it seems to get us by. So I amaze myself for when I find the time to work on several manuscripts and work a full time job too. They are my backbone and I love them all dearly. They are my life. Everything else is just a luxury. They are the necessity.