Thought of the moment....

No matter how hard you try, you will NEVER control anyone else's attitudes, actions, or outcomes. The only person that you have the ability to directly impact is you, and it is your responsibility to learn how to do just that...to utilize the knowledge, skills, and abilities you have been given to impact the world in the most positive way that you can EVERY chance you get!



Thursday, September 23, 2010

My Ground Hog’s Day Spectacular…with 50 First Dates!

Have you ever felt like you are trapped in the same day – everyday and that there is no escaping it?  I have. It is not always the same day everyday…most of it is the same—just small variations make adjustments of the outcome.

If you have every watched Bill Murray in “Ground Hog’s Day”, you may have been amused…even laughed a couple times or through the entire movie. I wish that it were that simple to laugh about.

*DEEP BREATH*

For those of you who are not familiar with my life, let me explain to you that my husband was injured three years ago in a construction accident. He was hit in the head (while wearing a hard hat – thank goodness!) with a 9 foot steel beam that fell 12 feet.

They diagnosed him with TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury). He suffers from continuous pain that is sort of like a migraine, short term memory issues, behavior issues, and blanks out to where he sort of spaces out and walks around and ends up in places that he does not remember going. This has resulted in him not being able to hold a job or drive. Plus they just told us this is all permanent and he is unfixable.

So when I say Ground Hog’s Day that relates to his short term memory. If you have ever watched “50 First Dates” with Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler…then understand that he is my Drew. Once he goes to bed, the slate wipes clean and we start over. He is supposed to keep a journal so that he knows what happened, but doesn’t always do that. So for those of you who have had a marital spat…try having the same one three days in a row because your husband forgot that you told him something or forgot that you already had that fight.

Things have been hard on us for awhile now with this work related injury alone…but I must keep going because we have five children. Two are his, two are mine and one if ours together. His daughter lives with her mother and the other four live with us. Well that was up until two months ago. My 16 year old daughter moved out and moved in with her father because she couldn’t be in the same house with my husband’s behavior issues or lack of good behavior. This broke my heart but I am dealing thinking that the medications that they are giving my husband will eventually help him and we will get him in a good place. In the mean time…I miss my daughter terribly.

One minute he is supportive of my writing, the next he is tearing the internet satellite out of the ground with the tractor…so for those of you that I was beta reading for—it is not that I was trying to slack—I love the work you are doing and it is all brilliant and hope that you send me more. I just had to start trying to squeeze things in on my lunch hours and at breaks at work. I even got an iPhone with internet…

I can come home and if he is bored from staying home he will rip a room apart to be remodeled and then I am stuck with cleaning up a mess and spending all of my free time redoing a room. So he is a box of chocolates because you never know what you are going to get when you go home. He could be nice, sweet, loveable, bitter, jealous, rude…basically my own Jekyll and Hyde.  So if there are any of you out there that have a loved one that is suffering with a traumatic brain injury, you are not alone. I know how you feel and may know what you go through.

So when I say I am muddling through…that is what I am trying to do. So tell me my wonderful faithfuls that keep me motivated and that I adore very much…have you ever had anything that you would call your groundhog’s day or even have the same dream over and over again?

Of course you know this is why I have so many raw emotions to use in my writing and so many ideas. Writing is my escape and it has saved me more times than I can count. It keeps me sane.

4 comments:

PK Hrezo said...

Holy cow, Regina!! That is just maddening. Of course, I had no idea you were going thru that, why would I, but I'm amazed with all you must have to put up with.
Have you ever seen Memento? Another film about short term memory loss. Really good. Wish I had some cheerful motivating advice, but I'm at a loss. Just know we miss you when you're not blogging, but jeez... I totally understand why now. I'm sure your daughter misses you as well. No, I've never felt like I was stuck in the same day, but sometimes feel like I'm stuck in a life I was never cut out for... I'm sure most moms feel that way at some point or another.

BIG HUGS!

Carla said...

Wow Regina, you are a strong woman to be able to deal with this on a daily basis. It would break my heart and I don't know if I could do it. Of course it's not even remotely comparable, but I have the same dream over and over again and it wakes me up at exactly 3:33 am at least once a week. It's bizarre and freaks me out. But, at the end of my day, it's just a recurring dream, not my life. My heart goes out to you. Keep using your writing as a method to express yourself!

Tessa Quin said...

Sheesh, Regina! I'm so sorry you have to go through all that, and with so many children! How old is the youngest one? This certainly puts things in perspective for the rest of us.

Sam said...

I had gathered that you dealt with a lot, but I had no idea how much until now. One of my exes (father of two of my children) is bipolar and was sort of a jeckl and hyde himself - actually he turned out to be a montster - the worse kind. He hurt my other daughter, the one that isn't his and it has caused much conflict in our family - when the two that are his miss him (he's rightfully in prison) but the other one can't understand and it causes lots of hurt, anger, and denial. Anyway - I don't have to deal with him anymore. I know it's not the same and I'm not dealing daily with issues anymore and it wasn't because of an accident/trauma.

I'm sure your daughter misses you too and just needed that additional space. It must be so hard for ALL of you. I can't even think of any words of encouragement, but I'm glad to have met you and I look forward to your blogs. I also have great admiration for you as a person - you are beautiful, smart, talented, and strong willed & minded - I look forward to reading your stories in the future.

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