Post Apocalyptic Meltdown

The Apocalypse is on hold and Christmas is coming. So far, I think that I have completed all of my Christmas shopping and am working on something that has been gathering dust in the drawer for some time. One of my finished manuscripts UNSETTLED that needs lots of TLC and editing.

I have been working on it for several hours and can't believe that I thought it would pass as a novel. WOW! I have made so many changes that I have been debating on either pulling out my hair or scrapping it altogether. I don't want to but I just don't feel like it is going anywhere. I still have great notes from some of my past beta readers - when I had time to write - and I appreciate how lenient they were with me and the fact that I can't write. *shaking head and laughing*

It doesn't bother me that I don't really feel that my writing is not up to par, what bothers me is that deep down, I do want to write and scribble occasionally here and there but can not commit to it. It deserves the commitment and I am just not giving it the love and support that it needs. I let life consume me and shut out my muse.

I keep opening the door for her to come back in for chats now and again and we have been sharing some really creative ideas. I just need to implement them. Again commitment is an issue. So I am going to try to push through this novel to make it the best that it can be and see where I am next year. I have not decided yet about any publishing options because I have read so many books this year...around 170.

Some of these books are self published and have editing issues. When I give a review, I don't dwell too much on those issues but like to help individuals know if it is something that they would like to read by the content. Sometimes I steam through a book so fast, that I forget what it is about. Does that say that I just don't focus on what I read or that it doesn't hold my attention? No matter. I try not to be negative about anyone's work, because at least they are out there doing what they love while I sit back and admire from afar...to chicken to jump in the water.

I really just wanted to touch base with everyone and tell them to keep typing out those words that have been inspired to hit paper and do what you love with a vengeance so that opportunities do not pass you by. I hope everyone enjoys their holidays and have a great 2013. I will be watching, praying and cheering you on while I muddle through my mental blocks!

Writers - YOU ROCK!!  I love reading your books as you publish them.

Bring me back to life.

I am stuck in a turbulent sea of thoughts that I cannot escape nor find how to process into full thoughts. It has been a six month lull. So far there is no clear way to go. I keep treading water …trying to keep my head above the rising waves before I drown but every day I am becoming more and more unsuccessful.

There are so many things that I want to do but am not dedicating the time to do them. I have diligently become more aware of the state of my health and have been participating in 5K’s, walk-jogs and even a physical fitness boot camp three days a week. Physically I am looking and feeling better and was hoping that this would help with the balance that I feel that I am missing.

I have included yoga to find my inner focus but it is slowly coming to me to want to participate in my writing. I know that I could have potential if I could just focus and put my mind to it, but the ADD side of me keeps getting distracted around every corner and look for a way out by losing myself in reading a book with a great cup of coffee.

There was a time that I would get up every day and look forward to grabbing a pen and paper and writing until I ran out of ink, because I never seem to run out of things to say – only how to put into words eludes me. I want to congratulate all of you that keep following your dreams. I see some of you finding publication and success and others finding the word counts keep coming. I am silently stalking you and dwell on the beauty of your passion for writing. You are writers, colleagues, friends… I know that someday my coast guards will come and fish me out of the ocean and help me row my boat with great intensity until my words have formed meaning.

I have challenged myself to NANOWRIMO. If I don’t try, then I have already failed.

There is a quote on my wall that I keep looking at and willing myself to follow it. It goes likes this:

Watch your thoughts, they become words.

Watch your words; they become actions.

Watch your actions; they become habits.

Watch your habits; they become character.

Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

What do you want your destiny to be???