Young Love is a PITA

My daughter has had more complications in her nine month relationship with her boyfriend than happiness in my opinion. She is always upset or crying about something that he or someone else has done. Some girl was texting her last night telling Sadie (my daughter) that her boyfriend is unfaithful and he is sneaking around with this other girl etc....

I am so fed up with this I could scream. I hate seeing my daughter upset all the time and then when she wants him to come over and we let him, the little punk never acknowledges us. Never says 'Hi', never says 'Thanks for having me over, bye.' Nothing. We are at our wits end with it. I love my daughter and I would do anything for her, but I just wish she would open her eyes on this one.

Yeah, I know that there would be another and another and another, but still. I have been there and I know. This too shall pass. Argh! Fustration is not my best suit. I can't play nice. I am rather blunt about how I feel about things. Very open and up front, she knows this. She knows that I don't have a problem telling him that I have a problem with him or the way that he acts either when he is disrespectful in my home. I just want her to be happy so I have been bitting my tongue and it is about severed in half. I need reconstructive surgery to fix it!!

Anyone have any input on this one? Anyone? Anyone! Cricket! Cricket! Aw come on and help a sister out.

Random Irritation

Last night when I got home from work and took the kids home, I then went to the store to get something to fix for dinner and some extras for the week. In the meantime, my husband, Brandon, Tanner and Logan worked on the barn to get it ready for the pigs for 4-H.

I returned from the store fixed dinner, and then sat down for about fifteen minutes and started to watch some television. This is something that I never get to do because the kids or my husband always have the remote in hand. But since they were outside I took the opportunity to sit down and try to enjoy myself for a few minutes.

That didn't last long. My husband and kids came in, ate dinner and then my husband decided that it was time to clean so he started dusting and knocked the cord out of the back of the television so that it clicked to a blank screen and the continued to vacuum and so on so forth. I appreciate the fact that the man wanted to do chores, but was this because I had the television first??? I was seriously a little ticked off about the situation so I went and did the laundry and dishes and then went to bed.

Who made it a law that I don't get to pick what we watch or get to watch television for more than fifteen minutes? Does this happen to anyone else?

What is your most indispensable possession and why?

Mine is my Blackberry. I know how riveting is that? It is only because if you know what kind of lifestyle I live then you know how imperative my calendar feature is to have on it. Managing my schedule and the schedule of my husband with his doctor’s appointments plus our five kids and their appointments and sporting events my calendar is always full.
It is a blessing because it tells me where I need to be most of the time because sometimes I get sidetracked with work and minor catastrophes that pop up when least expected. I have all my important phone numbers in it plus it is on me at all times so that I can be reached by any of the kids or family in an instant.
The funny thing is that believe it or not, I do not have the internet on it. I know that is crazy considering that is the whole purpose to have one, but I just love it for the calendar function and keeping my shit straight from time to time. It is like in the movie Steel Magnolias, ‘I don’t know if I’m scratching my watch or winding my butt’ kind of thing. – Love that movie.
There is always somewhere I have to be or someone that I need to be on the phone with at one time or another through my day. I know that it makes me sound more important than I really am – seriously, I am not famous. I am just a very busy mom, and loving wifey who has a lot to do to take care of her family.

What is your favorite song and why?

At this moment my favorite song is ‘Hello’ – by Evanescence. The reason that this song appeals to me is because sometimes I feel like I am looking at myself from the outside and that I write to create alternate personas for me to live through. I have been through many things in my life and have had bouts with depression and have prevailed. I can relate to this song because this reflects how you can feel sometimes on the inside and not be able to explain it to anyone.

Play ground—school bell rings ….again.
Rain clouds come to play….again.
Has no one told you she’s not breathing?
Hello, I’m your mind giving you someone to talk to.
Hello.
If I smile and don’t ….believe.
Soon I know I’ll wake…from this dream.
Don’t try to fix me I’m not broken.
Hello, I’m the lie you created so you can hide.
Don’t cry.
Suddenly I know I’m not sleeping.
Hello, I’m still here all that’s left of yesterday.

What’s your favorite song…share it with me. You don’t even have to tell me why.

What is the meaning of “He laughs best who laughs last”?

Alrighty. My take on this one is going to have to be that the one who is laughing last is laughing the best BECAUSE: If you are anything like me, when you hear others laughing it is contagious and sometimes you get to laughing so hard at them laughing so then they are already done laughing and you are still laughing at how funny you thought it was when they were laughing.
It is wonderful to see how others find things humorous and we can relate with that by the domino effect. It usually doesn’t matter what they were laughing about or if it was even funny to you. You were laughing because they were laughing so hard about it that you couldn’t help yourself but laugh your ass off at them for laughing. Sometimes their laugh just starts the chain of events. That is how I am going to take that one.

What is something you are pessimistic about?

I am very pessimistic about how we see the World. I feel that we Americans look down on one another because of income standards and if someone doesn’t live up to the same standards as some of us may think is the proper way of life then those people are disavowed. What irritates me the most is how we will go and take care of the entire World by building schools, hospitals, give free medical, rebuild cities and outsource jobs but fail to take care of our own here in America. I watch many Americans suffer with no medical coverage, no homes, we have to pay for educations and millions of hard working people are out of jobs because it is cheaper to go another route.
It is frustrating to see a commercial on television asking to sponsor a child from another country who is starving and under educated but what many of us fail to realize is that we have a lot of that right out our back doors. How many people have been affected by the economy and lost their jobs, therefore losing their home? Now they are forced to live in their cars, tents, on the streets and everywhere else that they can find refuge.
It is heartbreaking to know that we would rather raise money for other places and not take care of the very people who live in our great country that our military fight for everyday. Why are they fighting for us if we are turning our backs on our own family and reaching out to everyone else? I am not against helping the underdog anywhere, but I think that if we took a closer look, and I don’t mean down our noses, at the people around us; we would see that there are decent, hard working individuals that need our help just as much as any third world country.
I guess that is where you will find that I am a pessimistic person. I hate…ok hate is a strong word. I disagree with the way we treat one another. No one is perfect but everyone deserves a chance. Remember we are all human and we all make mistakes. No one can learn from mistakes if no one gives them a chance. So if you have the opportunity to do something nice for some stranger on the street that you have happened across in your daily trek then do it for me. Show me I’m wrong about the world.
If you are an employer, hire some off the street, not so fresh looking individual. It might not be that he isn’t a good worker; it just might be that he lost his home and doesn’t have the luxury of a shower. Donate clothing and food to the clothing and food pantries of your local churches to help those who have lost their jobs and are still waiting for public assistance or unemployment to kick in.
Smile at them, give them eye contact. They are people just like you and me. It wouldn’t hurt to even say “Hi.” Please go do this for me today. Go now….brighten their day. You might just find that it brightens yours a little to. Let me know how it made you feel. How did they react?
I could be totally wrong but growing up in a small town I am on a first name basis with pretty much everyone for three counties and I love to call everyone by their name, whether I am at the grocery store, gas station or even walking around the park. It is such a magnificent feeling watching their face light up when they hear their name because you know it. To them it is empowering. So go – EMPOWER the people! If they don’t thank you, I do. I appreciate you taking the time out of your day to do this experiment for me. THANK YOU!!

What is something that you are optimistic about?

Something that I am optimistic about is that no matter what happens in life my family and I will be just fine. I have dreamed that someday I will be able to publish one or all of the novels that I write but that is something that may or may not happen in my lifetime. However, I know that without that happening I am content with my life the way it is just being able to write my manuscripts and have the love and support of my family the entire journey.
I told my husband that no matter what, I would get them all printed at least once for my own private library to have to look at on the shelf to appease my own lust to see them in bound form. I know that would make me just as happy as if they were printed for real and on every bookshelf around the World.
The love and support of my family makes me optimistic for so many things in my future. I know because of them that even if I don’t make it as a novelist that I am a well respected writer in their eyes and they appreciate the work that I put into my craft. They see how passionate I am about writing and try to help with whatever they can and that is what makes me so positive about my future.

What would happen if animals could talk? What are some of the questions that you would ask them?

I thought it was time for something a little less serious for a moment from my list of prompts. So what would happen if animals could talk? I bet we would get a lot of ‘are you gonna finish that?’ when we are eating at the cookouts. So does that mean that when my dog is outside and someone pulls up that she doesn’t know and she starts barking it would be more like.
“Who – the – heck – are you?”
“What do – you – want?”
Or when someone is walking down the road too close to the yard.
“Get the – hell – away – from my – yard – moron.”
I suppose life would be more complicated when you have to start having a two way conversation with your pet when you get back from running errands instead of just coming in and telling them hello and that you missed them and talking to them not really wanting answers or questions thrown back into your face.
“Where did you go, why didn’t you take me with you, what took so long, why didn’t you get the bacon strips?”
Wouldn’t it ruin the movie if they talked to you through the entire thing instead of just sat on your lap or cuddled up next to you? My kids talk and narrate enough; I don’t want my animals doing it too.
However I guess if you could ask them questions then what would you ask? I guess I would ask my dog why they feel the need to clean their beans in front of everyone. I am sure the answer would be something voyeuristic like…’wouldn’t you if you could? Or Jealous!’ I agree that everyone needs to be serviced from time to time but there is a time and a place and the middle of the yard after you just squatted and took a dump is hardly the time. Ok…I’m starting to become very sorry that I chose this topic. This can go in so many directions.
Enough about my dog. My rooster would be saying ‘Get your happy ass up bis-natch.’ And that is repeated several hundred times until you chase him from under the bedroom window where he sits patiently and waits for his moment when you are most comfortably sleeping to start yelling mean – loud verbally disturbing things at you.

Do you have animals? What would they say if they could talk? Any demands they would make or disturbing comments that you are not ready to hear? Let me know…I’m curious.

What is the best way to treat meddlesome people?

My sister might say slap the shit out of them, and I would say sounds like a good idea but then just ignore them. I have noticed that when you ignore those types of people and don’t give them the attention that they crave, it makes them self destruct in such a manner that you almost want to grab a lawn chair and a beer and sit back and watch the fireworks.

I usually try to steer clear of these people because they will try to wrangle you into their plot to meddle and then of course leave you holding the bag. I have learned this from experience when I was in junior high school. There was this girl that befriended me only to then do some atrocious things and then turn the majority of the school against me due to her blaming me for what she had done. Trying to straighten that fiasco out was a nightmare and has made me look very closely at people and friendships for a long time.

Meddlesome people should be handled like anyone else…..professionally. Treat them as you would like to be treated, but don’t get sucked into their world of pettiness and deceit. Make sure if it is someone you work with that you keep everything on a professional level and do not get personally involved outside of work with someone that could potentially harm your career if they get mad at you.

I personally stop the meddlesome one right at the beginning when they start plotting around me and let them know POLITELY that I am not partaking in their venture and just do what I need to in order to get my job done so that I can go home with a clear conscious at the end of the day. The meddlesome one either finds their own way into hot water or starts to show their true colors after awhile. So like I said you are more than sure to be able to sit back and enjoy a beer and watch the fabulous show of someone self destructing because they felt the need to do harm to others and karma stepped in and dealt them a hand that they could not maturely handle.

What is your idea of a dull evening?

My idea of a dull evening would be one that contained no imagination at all. Any type of imagination. Most everything that I do must have a glimmer of imagination of some sort or you have lost me completely. My whole world is a landscape of partial dream and partial reality. I paint my own picture of what my life is and live it to the best of my ability. I have to make it as attractive as I can in order to maintain my sanity. No one’s life is perfect by no means so I would be foolish to even think that it could by any stretch be.

A dull evening would be the death of me. I always find some way to pass the time and to keep myself busy. If I let my light extinguish before it is time to lie down and rest then it takes forever for it to become recharged again. Forward motion is everything. There is no room for dull…..let’s keep it that way.

What would happen if there were no television? Why would this be good? Bad?

If there were no television then people would have to go back to some of the older forms of entertainment that brought joy to the masses before everyone in America had television. READING! Families read together, they played board games and outdoor sports. Bringing them closer and forging a bond that most families lack today. Television is the babysitter for the children while the parents cook, clean, grade homework, do their work and so on. Video games take over for the family interaction of the board games and the children learning to count money and read together.

There are so many things that we pass up to watch television that there have been times that we have thought about getting rid of ours. We haven’t, because who would want to miss their favorite shows or not have cartoons available when the little ones are cranky and you need them out of your hair for a bit. It is an accessible pacifier that we are all guilty of abusing.

Would it be good? Possibly. I could say HELL YEAH, because I want to be a novelist and if there were no television then more people would be reading and I might have a better chance at getting published and people might have to read my books for entertainment to their families at night or help their child learn to read. My books might be the book their teenager grows up remembering reading that impacted their life and helped mold them into the character they become.

I have never really been drawn to television much my entire life. There are few sitcoms that draw my attention…ok, I am addicted to House, but that is the only one I watch besides the occasional weekly NASCAR race. Music on the other hand, without music I would be lost. I always have music in the background nurturing me and soothing my soul.

Would not having television be a bad thing? Again…possibly. I know a lot of people depend on the television for late breaking news and weather reports to know what is going on around the world. So it is a toss up. Maybe it is good to have, but in moderation and we have lost that somewhere along the way. It is like a food addiction. Without moderation you become obese. Our house has become obese with television consumption. Again these are only my views and I do not intend to offend anyone with them.

What would happen if you could fly whenever you wanted? When would you use this ability?

That is a tricky one. When wouldn’t you want to use that one? I do have a dilemma with this one. I am afraid of heights. Yes, I said it. Mortified of heights. My husband makes fun of me when we are on the roof putting up gutters or fixing the roof. But back to the question at hand.

If I could fly whenever I wanted I probably wouldn’t drive as much because I get so tired of driving. The exception to this would be wintertime. I wouldn’t want to be flying around out in the cold making the wind chap my skin through my clothes or cause icicles to literally form from my nose. I hate to be cold.

There would be no parking hassles. Just land and walk in until you walk out and find out that it is pouring down rain and you have no place to take refuge from the pulsating drops of cold water that soak you to the bone and then you are stuck. Yeah I know I am sort of looking at the negative things again. Ok back to positive.

This would be something that I treated as a special gift because if you are not portrayed as different or mutant type person, then people would think that you are an amusement ride for them to take advantage of.

I would take advantage of this ability when a dire emergency would arise and there would be a time of a traffic jam or red lights. Something standing in my way that I would wish that I could fly over to bypass in order to get to my destination. I would do what I could for the greater good. I mean that I don’t think that I would go around punishing those who need super wedgies, knocked down in a mud puddle or waste a great talent on anything like that.

My evil twin might consider it, but probably never follow through with it. Flying should be such a freeing experience and it would cause less pollution in the world depending on your emissions. I guess it would cut down on a lot of wasted time traveling long lengthy roads when you can fly over fields, rivers and buildings instead of having to weave around on a man made path designed for you to follow. Let me know your thoughts.

What is your favorite time of day?

That would be easy. My favorite time of day is around 7:00 p.m. On most nights that is when everything at my house winds down and I am able to try to focus on setting some of those crazy voices free. This is not always the case, it is sometimes later, but most of the time if I can I try to start around seven and work for as long as the kids will let me or until I have to put the six year old to bed. Then if I don’t fall asleep, I get back up and continue my quest. Sometimes I have been known to ramble on and on until the wee hours of morning only to go to sleep for a little bit and then have to get up with a migraine and go to work, but it is worth it to get to pound out a few pages of unique thoughts and ideas that come to mind.

What is the worst thing a parent can do to their children?

Wow, this one is not going to be an easy one to write. For someone who has children and also works with a lot of children I would have to say that the worst thing that a parent can do to their children is abuse them. Yes, I said abuse them. Whether it is physical, sexual or emotional, all abuse has detrimental, lasting effects on children. I am around children who have been in these situations and some of them can not over come the deep scars that are embedded in them from someone that they have loved and trusted.

Some children are so severely emotionally scarred from their abuse that they find it difficult to ever bond normally in a nurturing, loving home with foster parents that care for them like their original parents should have. Therefore they grow up not knowing the proper ways to love or nurture their own offspring just perpetuating the cycle setting the next generation up to fail.

I plead to any parent who does not feel that they can care for their child. If they become too much to handle, please…please take them to someone else that can take care of them before you lay your hand on them to harm them in any fashion. If you know that you are sick in the head and find yourself thinking of children in a sexual way; please…please seek help and leave the children alone. Before you start yelling and belittling them…breathe, walk away, calm down and then talk to them when you are calm. I know it is hard, but they deserve better.

If there is anything that I have to remind myself is that these children did not go up to God when they were in heaven before they were born and say ”Excuse me God, but could I have that mommy there, and that daddy there!” as they point there little fingers down at us. They didn’t ask for us. We were blessed with them. They didn’t get to choose. We were entrusted with them to make decisions for them until they are old enough to make their own decisions. So please, think about it! I know that was harsh, but if you have seen a third of what I have seen you would agree.

What is a good neighbor?

To me a good neighbor is many things. A good neighbor is one that is there to help you when you need help without you having to ask but knows when to just let you work it out on your own sometimes too.

We have a neighbor that we take turns with making sure the driveways are clear of snow. We both have tractors and before we had ours he cleared our drive faithfully for years without us even asking him to and never wanted anything in return. He would be out there either early in the morning or late at night when he got finished with his day job.

Once we got our tractor, my husband and I try to make sure we get his drive way before he gets home from work to surprise him so that he doesn’t have to worry about it when he gets home from a long day. He has always been there for us when we have needed him but doesn’t always come running to save the day.

He went through a rough patch when his wife cheated on him and they divorced and we invited him over and he would come hang out or he would have the kids and us come over for cookouts and swimming at his place to help minimize the loneliness. He has found someone new and she has been very good for him and they have done a great job together landscaping his entire yard for the past two years.

They are wonderful people to have around. If either of us go out of town all we do is give each other a call and then watch over the other’s place and make sure the yards are maintained and that no one is bothering anything that they shouldn’t. It is a blessing to have such individuals like them living across the road from us.

When storms blow trees down, we all get together and help clean up the mess to make light work of it. We live out on a highway and they are on the opposite side and we both own some decent size acreage so we all know how to keep busy but still find the time to visit from time to time. It still warms your heart to drive by and have them wave at you before you pull into your drive knowing that they are right there if you need them.

What is something I do well?

If there is something that I can brag about myself that I do well it is take care of my family. I am a multitasker of sorts. Between my husband and myself, we are a combined fascinating accumulation of 7 distinct personas. There is my husband, Brad whom is in his third year of recovery from and injury on the job site where he was hit in the head with a fourteen foot steel beam. Thank God for hardhats that he is still with me! He has not been able to return to work nor drive for the past two and a half years and he gets stir crazy around the house creating projects for us to work on. Lord knows he is my very own box of chocolates. I never know what I am walking into when I get home. He has short term memory issues and has episodes where he blanks out from time to time making him another child that needs a babysitter. (Thank you to all of my gracious friends that come and help look out for him when I am working.) Without Brad being able to drive that leaves me the only driver to get the kids to school, appointments and sporting events. I use a lot of gas and run up a lot of miles on the roads.

My oldest daughter, Sadie is sixteen. She drives and is gainfully employed by choice of mother dearly. Mommy makes her pay for her insurance. Yeah, I know what a meanie I am. She sometimes thinks that she is older than she really is but that is because I had to raise her by myself for the first seven and a half years. Her father finally stepped in about four years ago and they seem to be getting those missed years ironed out. I love her but she makes me want to pull my hair out at times. She is very active in Volleyball and softball which the season is about to start. She is a Varsity third base and Junior Varsity shortstop. Lots of games I will be attending.

My step-son, Brandon is fifteen and had ADHD. Brandon has lived with us since he was in the first grade and we have helped him excel in school despite his disability. He is no Einstein mind you, but he holds his own. He is very active in sports like football and wrestling (season just ended) and is doing 4-H where he is showing hogs. So we have been working on getting the barn ready for them to be delivered.

My son, Tanner is fourteen. He is into computers and video games and knows how to help his dad work on car engines. He is quieter and is not into sports but makes up for it in intellect. He does play sports socially with his friends and would make one hell of a quarterback if he wanted to. The kid really does have a great arm on him. He is always the first one to help me around the house and the last one to complain about it.

My step-daughter Brittany is thirteen and lives with her mother in Illinois. She comes over every other weekend to visit. We try to keep up with her sports and music recitals when possible but is not always easy to do when you live over 30 miles apart and the times are an hour different. She plays softball and basketball and sings in choir sometimes. She used to play soccer and has talked about starting volleyball next season.

Then there is our six year old Logan. He is in Kindergarten and keeps us very busy all of the time. He still pretty full time wants all of our attention, but the older kids have been great helping me out by keeping him so that I can run out to the store by myself at times. He loves to play outside running on our 14 acre farm playing with the chickens and our dog. He will also helps with chores of collecting the eggs and stacking fire wood. I do have to be careful with him because he like Brandon and Brad are highly allergic to poison ivy which doesn’t help living in the country. This kid amazes me everyday with his new vocabulary, his imagination when he plays independently with toys or his hand and eye coordination on his video game.

With all of this said, I guess that I do a pretty good job balancing everyone out and keeping everyone grounded. Or maybe they keep me grounded. I feel that taking care of all of them is something that I do well. Maybe not great, but well and it seems to get us by. So I amaze myself for when I find the time to work on several manuscripts and work a full time job too. They are my backbone and I love them all dearly. They are my life. Everything else is just a luxury. They are the necessity.

Something that you dislike about yourself?

Here I am working with creative writing prompts trying to find out how to become a better writer. Here is the first one that I am going to work on today. Something that I dislike about myself. Now this could be a real treat to those of you who know me and could probably help me name more than a dozen things. However, I have to do this one on my own. I feel a bit squeamish to do this to myself.

One of the things that I dislike about myself is my honesty to myself about my talent toward my craft. I can delude myself into thinking that I am a brilliant writer one day and then the next tell myself that I should never pick up a pen again. This is a self conflicting battle that I am sure many of us face on a daily basis. I do not lack the courage to do what I love, but lack the courage to put myself out there for others to judge from time to time.

That is why I find it so hard to post anything in forums. I know that there are people out there willing to help me but I get myself so worked up about what they are going to tear apart of the work that I love so much. I have to remind myself that it is only their opinion and that not all opinions are the same either. So one person may hate my character, story line and perhaps my entire book; but for that person out there that dislikes my work there may be one that appreciates it.

I lack the faith in myself to see what others have to say about my work. I am not worried about anyone stealing my ideas. Just that I am not ready to be judged. With that said I read posts all the time and cannot judge anyone else because I have no authority to judge them. I am no agent, editor, or publisher to tell them whether or not their book is any good. I can only tell them if I can relate to it or not. I see how easy it is for others to go into detail telling others what to change or where to move paragraphs and I just read it thinking to myself that there is no way that I could have thought of that.

So my lack of faith in myself and the ability to do my craft is what I need to work on and plan to work on as I work on self discovery as I continue working on my manuscripts and story ideas and maintain my life the best that I can.

Flutter

Today I sit her fluttering my wings not knowing in what direction to fly for sure. I have so many choices to choose from that my mind is swelling just by the mere thought of it all. The sun shining is a positive sign here in Indiana so I better get to it.